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The past three years have been challenging for all of us. No one escaped unscathed. To some degree, we have all lost.
Reflecting on these losses, at times, can be overwhelming. In a short period of two years, I had given up my home, my career, my financial security, and my marriage. Many will argue that I chose to walk away from all of the above willingly, and while that is true, it doesn’t lessen the burden. The weight is the same. Still, many have suffered losses far greater.
Those of you following along know that I came out to Texas a couple of months back. I had traveled to Houston, San Antonio, and Austin and finally ended up just outside Galveston. It was here that I felt something I hadn’t felt in quite some time; it was here that I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I stayed for a week, and for the first time in nearly a year, I could sleep through the night.
Many people don’t realize it because I don’t often speak of it, but I am dealing with the unresolved trauma of nearly losing my life this past July. In fact, if not for the Lord’s intercession as I yelled out with what little breath I had left in my body, begging for Him to save me, I would not be here. I am convinced of that.
I won’t hash out all of the details except to say that this was a tragedy and one I had never in a million years seen coming. We never expect that someone who has loved us through so much would ever or could ever bring harm to us. There was no pattern of abuse. No one could have foreseen what had occurred.
In this situation, I gave forgiveness. I gave grace that I never imagined I would be capable of. I’m grateful that I was able to do so. In the grand scheme of things, forgiveness was the easy part. Forgetting would be the challenge.
He faced legal consequences for his actions, and rightly so. However, if not for my grace, these would have been far worse.
The dissolution of our marriage was an absolute certainty; there was never any question. If I’m being honest, the dissolution occurred long before the tragedy.
In hindsight, holding on past that point is likely what contributed to it. Let me be clear; I won’t reveal any of these things to shame my ex-husband. I forgive him with my entire being; God forgives him.
I pray that he will be able to forgive himself one day. He is worthy of that. He has been sober for nine months now; I am proud of him. It is never too late to give your life over to God. His grace is sufficient. I ask that you all extend your prayers to him as well; he needs them, now more so than ever.
I think it’s so important that we tell our stories. Adversity is the writer of some of the most beautiful compositions. Never be afraid to share yours.
In this episode, I open up about my trauma and the steps I am taking to heal from it. This was by far the most difficult episode I have recorded. Through sharing my story, it will help to encourage others who are in a similar season.
https://www.caregiving.org/resources/
https://nursefreedomnetwork.substack.com
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