I’m Not the Woman I Used to Be

by | Jun 27, 2021 |

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This week I had a call with someone I hadn’t seen for probably, 20 years. We chatted about his life, his new projects, and how I might be able to help him. A little while into the conversation, he said I was “naughty” for some of the posts I put out on social media. Furthermore, he started to lecture me about topics that just weren’t suitable for Facebook.

He was talking about some of my posts on Covid, lockdown, vaccine passports, and the like. It’s fair to say he and I have different views on the story that’s being painted. He believes the party line; I don’t believe we’re being given the full picture. He also believes social media isn’t the right vehicle for debate.

My view? It might not be perfect, but it is the platform we’ve got.

For the record, I’m not anti-vax, and I’m not a covid denier. I know it exists. I know it’s dangerous for many. I do, however, believe the stats are being manipulated for a media all too eager to spread the fear.

I worry that lockdowns are causing more problems than they solve, and I’m massively pro-choice when it comes to people being expected to inject themselves with a DNA-altering substance.

I believe passionately that we need to pay far more attention to mental and emotional health, and that more lockdowns will plunge us further into a mental health crisis.

That means, every now and then, I’ll share something that doesn’t cheerlead for the mainstream message – particularly if I believe it stacks up and might encourage a bit of free thinking and balanced debate. To go back to that conversation with my contact of old, I’m pretty sure he assumes I post in order to provoke people.

I think he’s decided I must take some twisted pleasure from whipping people into a frenzy of drama and arguments, and set out to soak up that crazy vibe as often as I can. That’s not true. It couldn’t be further from the truth!

When it comes to my social media content, I don’t set out to create upset.

Aside from those topics my old business friend was referring to, I talk about LGBTQ+ equality, personal development, optimism, self-responsibility, kindness… the list is endless, and usually has a good intention, to support, encourage awareness or create positive discussion. I sometimes share pictures of my family, my dogs and cats, archeological discoveries, and pretty flowers too.

That same day, on a Facebook update I wrote, relating to the difficult week many had experienced, someone commented that I often post to disagree with people. That’s not true either, though it is an interesting perception.

I post about things I believe in, but rarely with the specific intention of disagreeing with people. If someone disagrees with something I write, that’s up to them, but I can pretty much guarantee they won’t have been on my mind while I was writing.

What makes a post contentious? Is it the topic, or is it simply that I might hold a point of view different to yours, and that rattles your cage some?

If I write about how much I love the color yellow, for instance, and that particular piece of the rainbow makes you want to vomit and run for the hills, that doesn’t mean I’ve posted something to disagree with you… it simply means we have a difference of opinion.

The thing is, 20+ years ago, before social media was the all-encompassing beast it is now, I probably was seen as ‘provocative’ – and not always in a good way.

I was hurting, frustrated, angry, confused. I was horribly sarcastic, and cutting⏤had a sharp tongue and was the one that people would count on for the ‘funny’ stinging remark.

If I look back at the shell of a woman I used to be – the one trying to plug her wounds with clever put-downs and a big ego – I can hold love and compassion for her, but there’s much I don’t like about her.

There was much SHE didn’t like about herself either.

It’s not surprising, though, that people who knew me then might expect the same today. Through years of deep healing and personal development, I learned to let go of bitterness, take responsibility for my life and choices, and get in touch with my real ‘soul’ path.

I softened a lot. I went from journalist and editor to coach, trainer, speaker, and author. I went from me-centric to people-centric. I went from cutting people down to building people up.

Throughout this week, I have supported a number of people through turmoil, coached others to grow their business and income, held space for a woman going through mental illness challenges, spent an hour or so on talking someone down from suicide, then checked in throughout the day (and every day since) just to help them feel they weren’t alone and had something to live for.

I don’t think the old me could have done that.

The last thing someone said before I went to sleep one night this past week? “You saved a life today.”

I cried. I don’t think the old me would have been capable of that either.

That conversation with an amazing human being who didn’t believe they deserved a place on this planet included me disagreeing with them. When they said they didn’t have a purpose, that they didn’t deserve to be loved, I disagreed with them adamantly. Does that make me provocative?

I guess, if someone’s dead set on dying and I’m insisting they have a rich life ahead, it could be seen that way. I suppose, in that sense, I *was* deliberately disagreeing with someone.

You know what, though? They’re still here. They’re beginning to find some purpose. They’re slowly getting their mojo back. I can’t take all the credit for that, but if even a tiny part has to do with me disagreeing with their worldview, I’ll take that one on the chin. Maybe we all need to take a step back, consider the way we see the world – and the people in it – and take off our blinkers.

Stop putting people into neat little categories based on outdated ideas or our own differing value sets.

Quit judging. Quit pigeonholing.

You know what really rocks? An open heart, an open mind, and the ability to find common ground and learn from our differences.

Old me might not have been able to do that. New me cherishes the opportunity.



Inspirational Speaker | Best Selling Author | Empowerment, Confidence & Visibility Coach | Extreme Empowerment Specialist --- FOUNDER: #UnleashYourAwesome personal empowerment and business breakthrough seminars | #BrandMastery program. -- ACCOLADES AND PRESS: Co-host - America Out Loud | TEDx Speaker | DIVA PowerList | SourceTV Evolutionary | BBC Radio regular | Featured: HuffPost, Kindred Spirit, Sky TV and more.

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5 months ago

This is awesome, for I can relate to much of what you are saying.

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